{"id":2312,"date":"2024-03-14T16:13:37","date_gmt":"2024-03-14T23:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/?p=2312"},"modified":"2024-03-14T16:13:37","modified_gmt":"2024-03-14T23:13:37","slug":"trans-affirming-environments-are-good-for-all-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/?p=2312","title":{"rendered":"Trans-affirming environments are good for all kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s ok\u2014more than that, it\u2019s healthy for kids to wonder about who they are, including whether they might be trans. It\u2019s healthy for kids to explore gender expression and to figure out what feels authentic. Most of them won\u2019t end up being trans, but all of them will have some kind of relationship with gender, and all of them will interact with other people of different genders. In a trans-affirming environment, there\u2019s more room for all kinds of kids: <\/p>\n

5-y.o. Brian, assigned male at birth, says, \u201cI don\u2019t like boy clothes. I want to wear pretty dresses.\u201d Brian\u2019s parents say, \u201cOK, let\u2019s get you some dresses.\u201d Brian wears a dress to school. The teacher says, \u201cI like your style!\u201d A classmate asks, \u201cAren\u2019t dresses for girls?\u201d The teacher says, \u201cWell, lots of girls and women wear dresses, and not as many boys and men wear dresses. That\u2019s not a rule, though. We each get to pick what we like to wear, whether we\u2019re boys or girls or neither. Isn\u2019t that cool?\u201d The school has curriculum and policies that normalize people being different from one another and teach kids how to treat each other with respect. Brian learns he is welcome to be himself, and to be accepting of others. <\/p>\n

Maybe Brian is a cis boy who likes dresses\u2014because they\u2019re pretty, because they\u2019re fun to twirl, because\u2026? He gets to play and express himself freely, learning what he likes and who he is. He feels safe and comfortable being exactly the type of boy he is; no one is telling him he\u2019s doing it wrong by being a boy who likes dresses. There\u2019s no pressure to pick a label or \u201cbe normal,\u201d and he can just be himself. <\/p>\n

Maybe Brian is a trans girl, and playing with clothes and style is an early step toward self-understanding and authentic self-expression. She gets to learn who she is and what she likes without pressure or judgment, in an environment where it\u2019s understood that every kid is learning who they are and what they like. <\/p>\n

Maybe Brian is nonbinary or agender, and playing with clothes helps them to figure out that they don\u2019t experience gender the same way other people do: they don\u2019t feel like a boy or a girl. They have room to experiment with self-expression and the grownups in their life assure them it\u2019s ok to be different. <\/p>\n

In any case, Brian is better served in a trans-affirming environment. A trans-affirming community is safe for cis boys who like feminine things\u2014it\u2019s safe for any kid who may want to explore or experiment with gender expression. It\u2019s also safe for kids who don\u2019t care to explore gender\u2014no one is going to force them to dress differently, or shame them for not having questions about their gender, and they\u2019ll get to be in an environment where curiosity and difference are celebrated. There\u2019s no downside to trans-affirming environments for kids. <\/p>\n

Alternatively:<\/p>\n

5-y.o. Brian says, \u201cI don\u2019t like boy clothes. I want to wear pretty dresses.\u201d Brian\u2019s parents panic a little, but say, \u201cOK, let\u2019s get you some dresses to play dress-up at home.\u201d Brian loves his dresses, and wishes he could wear one to school, but his parents fear he\u2019ll be bullied. He finally persuades them to let him try it one day. He arrives at school and a classmate says, \u201cDresses are for girls. You\u2019re a boy. Stupid!\u201d The teacher intervenes: \u201cIf you don\u2019t have anything nice to say, don\u2019t say anything.\u201d The next day, one of Brian\u2019s peers tells him, \u201cMy big brother says boys who wear dresses are perverts.\u201d A parent contacts the teacher, concerned because their child came home talking about a boy wearing a dress, and that goes against their values. The teacher suggests Brian\u2019s parents keep the dresses at home so he doesn\u2019t get picked on or cause a distraction. Brian realizes wearing a dress makes him a target. He starts pretending he doesn\u2019t like dresses after all, and gets in a habit of pretending away any part of himself that doesn\u2019t fit in. Beyond gender, this impacts his ability to be authentically himself in many domains if there\u2019s reason to think someone might judge or reject him for being himself. <\/p>\n

All kids of all genders benefit from being in environments and communities where their curiosity is encouraged, differences are respected, and self-expression is valued. <\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s ok\u2014more than that, it\u2019s healthy for kids to wonderRead More<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2313,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-transgender"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2312"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2314,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2312\/revisions\/2314"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shapirocounseling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}